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Opting out
30 Jan2007
This was submitted by reader Saudia Abdullah
“After my maternity leave was over I took my son to the day care and boldly went to work. I was in my office for about 30 minutes when the tears began to role down my face. I stood up grabbed my purse and went into my bosses office and explained to him that I could not in good conscience leave my child in the hands of someone else. As I walked out the door I felt a since of relief at my choice. I picked my son up and went home. When my husband came home he asked me how work was and I told him that I quit and that I needed to stay home with N’Kosi. After having a brief discussion about how this would change our life (in a financial since) he picked the baby up and started playing with him. This was not a hard decision for us. I knew what was best for my family and made that decision. Little did I know that I would hear the biggest moans and groans from the women in my life.
It is women who seem to have the biggest problem with my decision. I am looked upon as an uneducated second class citizen. They are shocked to discover that I have a post graduate degree, speak more than one language and was happy to leave corporate America. American women have been sold a bad bill of goods by the feminist movement of the 70’s. You can not have it all. It is not possible. If you work outside the home you miss certain aspect of you child’s life. You miss that 1st word. You don’t get to shape eating and sleeping habits. You don’t control what they watch on tv or if they watch tv at all. You never really know how that bump got on there head. You drop them off bright and early and pick them up, fix dinner and then put them in bed.
If you work outside the home your children suffer. Staying home should be the easiest choice (only trumped by breast feeding) that a woman has to make. I get enraged by working women that look at me as less than a person because I choose to put my child first. That is what staying at home is all about. Any women with the right body parts can make a child it takes a real women to make the sacrifice to stay at home and raise one. But that is just my opinion.”
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14 Responses to Opting out
ru shaw
January 30th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
I am so glad you made that discussion to raise your son. You are so right the children and the family suffer – down so many roads. I also made that same discussion some years back. Now I have two college bound, intelligent, stable and health grown children that needed at that very important time in their lives a parent to be with them, always. Take back our children and lets raise our future our way. RIGHT
GOD BLESS
Jasmine
January 30th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
Hallelujah!
I completely agree. We have been sold some rotten vegetables! The beauty in your decision is that you had a choice and made a decision that was right for you and your family and you and your husband are on one accord. I can’t wait until I am able to raise my children full time (of course I have not as of yet), right along with my vast knowledge of cultural experiences and many languages that I speak. We have a choice and I thank God Almighty for it. How many women would stay home, as least some of the time if they had the option? Heck how many PEOPLE would! If it’s an option, what a blessing…for you, your children and your husband! God be with you sis!
DarkStar
January 30th, 2007 at 7:37 pm
That’s her opinion. Sometimes $$$$ is an overriding factor.
I am a day care baby and have done well.
My wife stays home with “DS 2.0″. She got layed off before he was due. It turned out to be a blessing because he suffered from acid reflux. He slept on my wife at night for 3-4 months. He also had some issues concerning keeping down breast milk at first. Her being home turned out to be a great thing. Now, at 20 months, he’s doing great.
Duane
January 31st, 2007 at 7:54 am
I am a day care baby and have done well.
That’s your opinion
Seriously, while income is an overriding factor, sometimes affordability can be very subjective to personal goals that have nothing do with the child. In these particular cases, I believe (and have seen some examples of it over the years) that children are affected negatively.
Saudia
January 31st, 2007 at 10:41 am
People make choices all the time. We live in a cultural that has told us we must have material things. The reality is that your children are need to be placed in the for front. You might have to give up that 2nd car, or the large house, or cable, and eating out. Life is about sacrifice.
exe
January 31st, 2007 at 10:52 am
You decision to raise your own children rather than pay some person with questionable expertise who may or may not share your morals etc to raise them for you is without a doubt the best choice. None of my children spent even one minute in any daycare, we raised them ourselves at home. It unfortunate that our society forces some mothers to abandon their children and go to work.
I am old enough to remember when society was rather suddenly recalibrated so as to require two incomes for one family, back in the late 60’s early seventies. The effect was almost as if a penalty was being charged in response to women who wanted to work outside the home and “have it all”….
rhythm
January 31st, 2007 at 1:15 pm
great topic. i was a day care baby because my mom needed to be at work to put food on the table. she did, however stay home with me until i was at least old enough to tell things about the places i stayed (about 2-3 years old).
i plan to stay home with my future children, but i hate working, so i can’t pretend like my reasoning is all deep and sacrificial. i can definitely see the benefits, but i also know the reality of women (no matter how much cable, dining out, ect. you subtract from the equation) who truly CAN’T AFFORD to stay home. let’s be real about that…
Saudia
January 31st, 2007 at 3:50 pm
Let’s talk reality. My sister pays $125 per week to have her 3 year in day care and $50 a week for before and after care for her older son. If you look at total cost including the summer programs that she pays about $1200 for then you are looking at about $9700 a year in day care expense alone. Add that with the cost of gas prices getting back and forth to work. The clothes she buys for her career and the uniforms for the kids. The money is there it is about how we choose to spend it. If I had to sell my house I would to stay home with my kids.
Rhythm, if you hate working then don’t stay home with the kids it is much much harder.
rhythm
January 31st, 2007 at 6:42 pm
saudia, i meant i hate working in the sense of working ‘for’ someone (please don’t turn that into “raising kids is working for someone”)–i simply meant i’m an artist who’s not into the traditional sense of “work”–though i drag my black behind in every day like a good little worker…
Sharon
July 26th, 2008 at 6:17 am
Hi,
Love your Blog and I completely agree. You did the right thing by following your maternal instincts. I wish I had had the wisdom to do the same thing.
Hang in there.
Shaddy
February 21st, 2009 at 5:31 pm
You have all my respect and admiration for doing “the right thing” for your child.
Wired Revvv
April 9th, 2009 at 7:02 am
It’s good you had that option financially. The problem comes when we try to make our choices universal. We say, “Everyone would be better off if they do what I do.” At the root of that, I suppose, is a fundamental insecurity. Parenthood brings that insecurity out in all of us, especially in new parents.
Some will not have the financial option that you have, and in those situations, where child care is the only choice, the child care industry needs to meet the highest standards of quality and care to ensure that all children, no matter their circumstances, are given the best care possible.
Congratulations and best wishes to you, your husband and your lucky baby.
Crystal
April 15th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
I’m a single mom and choose to keep my newborn at home. Since I support myself, I became a daycare and kept children in my home to meet my financial and my desire to keep my son home. He’s now 5 and getting ready for school. I let him attend a ‘more at 4′ program to make sure he’s socially ready (and, oh… he is). He’s reading books to me now already and smart as a whip. His biggest gripe is waking up early for school! Each parent makes their own choices and honestly, our children seem to turn out somehow, anyway! I think working (outside the home) moms can make it work too. It’s a personal choice really. All moms should be respected. Being Mommy is HARD WORK!!!!
Naush
May 19th, 2009 at 8:40 am
How old is your child now ? Do you think it was worth it quiting your job and staying with your little one ? I bet you do ! I threw the job, career and everything else with it in the bin when my third and last boy was born, becoz I decided I needed to be with my boys while they were tiny. I needed them as much as they needed me. They are 10,8 and 8 now and I feel I am better placed to either start my career or business now. It wasnt easy though. The choice was a tough one becoz I had always been into my career for many many years, but I can never forget how I felt being a child and not being able to see my mom when I needed her the most since she worked. I did’nt want that for my boys. Today they are independent, secure and happy boys and I am glad that I opted out when I did. You made a wise choice. I am proud of you girl.
Naush