This is a continuing part of my recent post Love Undefined: The war against our men.
As a man in my mid 30′s, I can remember when the highlight of going to the local mall was playing video games and maybe talking to a girl or two. Today, most of that has gone the way of the dinosaur. Store after store will in most cases feature a scantly-clad woman showcasing the latest fashion. Mannequins today are constructed to highlight all the key areas that will catch any guy’s attention: enhanced behind with large breasts. In addition to the use of mannequins, large posters of sultry women wearing next to nothing are plastered throughout the mall (just in case you missed the mannequins).
As a parent of two very impressionable children, I have been very tired of having to distract their attention every time we encounter these images. What used to be a simple stroll has now become an obstacle course. Watching television isn’t any better. Commercial breaks during a simple movie for kids on one of the networks will many cases include advertisements that will inevitably use sexual innuendos to either sell a product or remind viewers of an upcoming show. During a two hour span of watching television in my house, on an average our kids are told to”look away” at least 4 times. For an adult male, these images only heighten our sexual appetite for more.
Now you may be reading this and think that I am going to go on some never-ending rant on the dangers of television. Like the last related piece, what I am doing is sounding an alarm regarding the minds of our dear children–especially our young men.
In the last piece, I made reference to a report authored by Dr. Judith Reisman on the effects of pornography on the minds of young children and adults. I would highly encourage you to read it when you get a chance [Link]
The reason why I am placing a heavier emphasis on our young men is because men by nature have a more aggressive sex drive than women. When I think about my son encountering these various images, he can take comfort in the fact that he has a father that are there for him to help him process these glimpses in a very mature matter. Unfortunately there are many, many young boys out there who do not have such privilege. This also applies to young men who have fathers in the home, but the father never really covers the subject because of either past guilt or just uncomfortable with the ideal of talking openly on the subject.
What has really disturbed me over the years is that I have yet to see a very concise and consistent effort birthed out of my community–the black community that will help our men deal with this subject in a very open manner. As I mentioned earlier, men are bombarded everyday with sexual imagery and from time to time need the help from other men on how to steward their emotions on such a powerful subject. Without proper dialogue with other men, our sexual desires are subjected to “the moment” (the worst environment to make a decision that could have serious impact on your life and the lives of others connected to you). We have far too many programs that just resort to handing out condoms and not enough men (fathers) that are there to help teach these young men how to LOVE a woman beyond a sexual encounter.
There used to be a time in our country where the game of sexual musical partners was considered wrong. Today we call it experimentation. The problem with these “experiments” is that they have been producing the same bad results for a very long time: unexpected pregnancies, STDs, broken marriages, less respect for men, women, child neglect, traumatic break-ups—and we keep right on experimenting! Women who resort to showing off their “wares” in order to capture the attention of a man have no reason to complain if the man they attract is not concerned about love or wants to stick around if a baby comes in the picture.
To be honest with you, deep down inside most men want to know how to love a woman, but unfortunately many of them did not have a man to teach them. So they resort to what comes easy. This sad trend of love absentee-ism has to stop.
The biggest deficit in the country today has nothing to do with money–it has everything to do with the celebration of real love between a man and a woman. The children of today are simply reproducing this deficit and calling it normal.
The fear of being perceived as weak has silenced many men who posses the “know-how”through life experience on how to stay in love with one woman within marriage. If we as men can be very detailed and specific when it comes to things like sports, computers, or sex, then we should be the same way when instructing our young men.
One of best organizations/ministries that I have encountered that tackle these very issues is New Life Ministries. Two of the individuals that work with that ministry came out with a book that I highly recommend to all men–Every Man’s Battle–Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time. This book is very detailed as it provides tips on how to tame your sexual desires. It is extremely practical. If you never had “the talk” with your father, please get this book regardless of your current age. This book is about as straight up as you can get on the subject.
Teaching men how to not only control their sexual appetite, but how to love a woman is way more effective than any march or protest against institutions we deem as being the cause of this issue.
Talking about politics is too easy–and safe. Convincing men on how to practically tame their sexual appetites isn’t–hence the reason why the issue of sexual integrity needs to be more widely discussed. For my black community, Pimp, playa, hustlah cannot become synonymous with our culture. These are serious indicators for a very serious problem–men who lack the understanding on how to love a woman…one woman.
If you have not read it by now, here is my personal story [Link]
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