The Black Informant | African American Commentary, News and Community Building

The funny thing about my site is that I get very good traffic, but very few comments. Once in a while when I do get a good one, I like sharing it with the rest of my readers. I really enjoy reading the life experiences of others like yourselves. There is so much to learn !

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I can relate to this article. I am a “product” of a 40-year multi-racial marriage. My father is African-American and my mother is Japanese. I grew up having to fight other black kids because I was Japanese, Japanese kids because I was black, and white kids, well just because. I was told repeatedly to my face, “Your not black!” and just had to deal with it through adolescence. I tried to date sistas, but I wasn’t “cool enough”. I was a shy, athletic, nerdy type of guy who was into jazz and cruising. Sistas just didn’t want to be with me.

I eventually joined the military and had relationships with African-American women, but they never turned out to be anything serious. We were just too young, had no desire on settling down, and probably just a bit too wild. In fact, I dated any type of woman, it didn’t matter – I just wanted a woman! In my mid-twenties, I started to become tired of the club scene and focused on finding someone my parents would like. Of course, my first choice was a beautiful sista to whom I was greatly interested. My downfall? I wasn’t “hip” enough; further, I wasn’t “black enough”. The cycle began to repeat itself. Unfortunately it did not work and I was kicked to the curb. I tried a few other times focusing on a woman like my sister – strong, smart, level headed, and compassionate. I wasn’t focused too much on wealth or material issues; I just wanted a woman who would help me raise a family together.

Eventually, my scope expanded, my attitude changed, and I began to include women who also resembled my mother. I finally married a Japanese woman, not because whatever stereotypes, but because she reminded me of home, carried all the family qualities I desired, and just hit it off. I am absolutely positive there are plenty of beautiful black women I could have married, but our paths did not cross. I was fortunate enough to be in the right place at the right time to meet my wife now. Yes, I do enjoy doing things in with my “mixed kids” not because I feel they are different in any way, it is because I love them. They are my ONLY children and I am their father. There should never be something wrong with that.

I love my father; he is a strong, positive black man who raised me to be just as strong and positive – in which he succeeded; and it is my goal to live my life in honor of my mentor – regardless of my being mixed. At the same time, I am extremely thankful to my mother who taught me her culture, her religion, and how to be a compassionate man. Both parents showed me how to make it work without having to give up too much of your spirit or your soul. They loved each other 40 years ago, and still love each other today. That is my desire, my game plan, and my goal. Love has everything to do with it.

Is it difficult being mixed? Yes, most definitely. Am I happy to be a African American? Of course I do, I would never trade it for the world. Bottom line – I respect and cherish both ethnicities and will be happy regardless of the thoughts of others…and I will teach my three boys the same way.